I was up at 6am, showered, finish loading the car which is going to slow me down because of the weight, but after find myself unable to leave and instead, am laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, realizing how hard it is to actually make the final move. I simple move that I make every day in my life: I get in my car and drive. Now, I'm blocked. I heard about the artist block, I've also heard of the writer's block, but I driver's block? Sure, why not.
I'm exhausted, and emotionally drained. The house is empty almost, it echoes, is dirty, and I have no energy to change the last part. I've cleaned this house to many times over the past 6 years. I even cleaned it when I was working full-time, pregnant, tired, taking care of my first daughter and trying to work on my PhD. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned, and now, I am trying to tell myself that I need to look forward cleaning my new home, in Knoxville TN. I'm dying to order my furniture, but I have no idea how this apartment looks like and I have very little spacial vision, so I have to wait until I get there. I'm tempted to call all my friends in town, one last final goodbye, but I realize that good byes are so difficult that it's better to just say, see you later. Or call up once moved, and say, 'Hey! I'm now finally in Knoxville TN!'
I rarely give myself the credit of how strong I really am. The reason I mention my strength is because it's hard to reconcile the mushy sensitive being that I truly am with this hard tough person that I must be. So, to go or not to go???
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