the news

I couldn't help but blog... All I have to do to forget about my solitude and how much it hurts, is watch the news on al-jazeera. Yallah ya Souriya! How I dream to see Syria free! How I dream of seeing Bachar in a court room! And how I dream of seeing Gaddafi in chains.

I did go jogging this am, and I even got lost in my neighborhood. It's nice to go jogging and to even get lost and feel scared. As I ran, I felt strength everywhere in my body, then I went and sat on the Tennessee river and cried.

Single motherhood is not something new to me, but I no longer share my stories with the father of my children and it gets lonely around here.

Now though that I'm watching the news, I'm doing better. I still have a long day running the children. Reading Assia Djebar also brought tears to my eyes. I wondered if lives of Maghrebi women were simply miserable or if we contributed to the melodrama that is our lives?

I should be thankful... at least I have my freedom, and I am not in Libya or Syria or Yemen, amongst the other places in the world where bullets fly like birds.

Another, special day

So today was my sweet daughter's BIG day. She came home so pleased with the fact that her teacher gave her a 'coupon' for a 1day without homework for her BD which she can redeem at any time, 3 pencils and a bookmark. So sweet! She also had a little girl come up to her and ask her if she wanted to play. Then she told me about how her science teacher likes her so much. She did her homework on her own, I no longer have to majorly gripe about homework being done. Her question today had to do with boyfriends, and how I felt about them, and whether or not she can have a boyfriend before she gets married. I had to answer to all these questions, and discuss girls' body changes.... Quite frankly, today was NOT a good day to do all this, but I did it nonetheless.

I had a great meeting with my boss whom I like A LOT! So cool, down to earth and full of energy. Exactly what I need my boss to be! I had a scare going into my office and not seeing my small laptop (I found it later next to my bed).

I have been overwhelmed by pain lately and it has been hard to function because I constantly feel drained. I didn't do what I was supposed to do as far as work goes, because I'd fall asleep every time I set out to do my reading.

Stayed up late last night following Libya. What happiness! Quel bonheur! I hope it will be soon complete once Gaddafi is captured.

Things are definitely changing and the map of the Arab world is as well. August 21st, the day the rebels entered Tripoli was a big one.

Now that I'm settled in my new life, work is starting to bombard me. I'm turning into a soccer mom in my spare time and am not very pleased.

And now I'm falling asleep on my computer, as I do every night!

Another great day in Knoxville TN

I'm exhausted, been running since 6am, but everything has gone so well. My orientation at work, though boring, was informative. I nearly fell asleep once, I had some coffee, it was beyond disgusting, so I went back for tea, which was almost as disgusting as the coffee... I gave up on drinking by noon. I managed to get my new ID as well as my parking permit. I was so excited! After those two huge tasks were accomplished, I went to the bookstore, and boy did I have a blast. ALL the books which I'm supposed to teach for this NEW course that was pleasantly 'dumped' upon me last week, were waiting for me to pick up (I enjoyed billing the department for all my books!). After I got all these books in English and French (I start reading them TOMORROW!) I went to the computer store and enjoyed my first purchase (part of my start-up $$). I got a mac computer!!!! Yes I Diiiiid! And I'm listening to 'fip' on it right now. So cool! Now netflix did not cooperate tonight. Of course, what else is there to do here? I assume that 3/4 of the population is on their computer connecting to netflix.

Oh well, I need to sleep. Meems' first day at daycare went very well. She got in touch with my Methodist ancestors, and loved her 'new' friends and the teachers. She did very well and her teacher could not believe that today was her FIRST day ever in a formal school setting. Daddy and I really like the school.

I have lined up 2 nannies so far, which I need to interview asap. Tomorrow is the big 'piano' day for the girls, as they meet their new teacher. I found a choir for them at the Presbyterian Church down the street... and YES, everything is church-related here. Mohamed Chokri, in For Bread Alone, showed that religion is a 'luxury' that only the rich and middle class folks can afford. I was able to truly believe this years ago, but he did not see Knoxville. Had he known Knoxville, he would have seen that the luxury of emptiness is very helpful on a God-seeking path. I am guilty of not spending much time per day doing this myself, though my daily deeds are an attempt to 'remember' the tradition of those who came before us, starting with Abraham, or actually, going back to Adam.

Did you know that Colette had a brief relationship with Josephine Baker? I didn't! I have had very little time to myself today, though have had plenty of lonely moments. At the end of the day, I'm thankful that I had the maids over at 7:15am! Que du bonheur as Albert Memmi would say!

Furniture, furniture and more furniture

My saga with livingroom furniture continues. It started on July 25th and it goes on until today. How I regret ever returning the sectional that was SO comfy and which I adored, is beyond this world. I had to go back to the store and choose another item. So I ended up with a couch and a loveseat which look a lot like the sectional I once had and which I really miss. Now of course, bringing them up the stairs meant that they got scratched in a few places, go figure! So, next week I need the leather expert to come out. It has been quite the process! Right now, I'm mostly excited to see my girls, hug them, kiss them, take them in my arms and cuddle them real real tight!

Time to reconnect with myself

I haven't been very productive today, though I did go to the grocery store, discovered where the post office was and as always, I still enjoy not having to battle for space on the street. I have been listening to the news, snoozed off briefly and am actually early on sending out BD cards. I wonder if this will continue. I brainstormed about a talk I am giving next month, but found myself blocked when it came to ordering the textbooks for the new class I am teaching. I sort of smiled to myself when I wondered, how did my PhD, my specialization academically and me as a person end up and will end up teaching such a course. A year ago, had someone told me you'd be teaching this course, I would have laughed at the absurdity of the idea. Ok I guess we're still in the realm of women so I shouldn't act too shocked.
Meanwhile, I'm eager to hold my girls in my arms, to give their dad a break from them and take them to all the fun places I discovered in Knoxville: the cupcake places (2 so far!), crepes at the downtown area, and so much more. While shopping at Kroger's today, I saw all these young cute college students shopping for food. They were cute, full of energy and life, ready to conquer the world, full of theories about life as well as themselves... soon, all their theories will be bouncing off the walls of their classes.
As I lay here fasting from drinks and food, I think of how people are coping in Hama and all over Libya. I have an earache, I'm supposed to go to have dinner at a colleague's house but I'm waiting for the furniture movers once again to come and take the furniture they ruined, and replace it with hopefully furniture that is less ruined. Just thinking about the process nauseates me. Will I ever move again? I know the answer is yes, and I know it hasn't been that bad of a move, in fact if anything, it has been smoothe. I spent a few hours going through books but I discovered that unpacking books and shelving them is NOT as difficult as unpacking clothes. So, the plan is to totally ruin ALL my clothes during my 'sejour' here in town. This is unbelievable, but I'm not even tempted to shop. Could it be that my life is so fulfilled and complete that I no longer feel the need to compulsively accumulate fabric?
I did something I have wanted to do for years: I love orchids yet I have never dared to buy one. Even Trader Joe's had them, but I always thought they were 13 or 15$ too much. So I never bought myself an orchid. I finally did today, at Kroger's they had them for 9.99, so I didn't hesitate. I bought a purple one, and I found room for it in my livingroom, in my African corner specifically.
I'm starting to feel my serenity flying away as the tribe arrives tomorrow. I can't wait to hug my girls and cuddle them to sleep.

Pressure cooker

A special thanks goes out to my adored friend Louli. The day after I moved into my apartment, I was able to use the coffee cups she gave me, along with the little spoons. They were actually my ONLY spoons. I even treated myself to having a cup of coffee and used the saucer that goes with it, which I never take the time to do. But these days, I take my time taking my morning coffee, and I even refill my cup several times. While the coffee is on the stove in my Italian coffee maker, I take my morning shower. I don't sleep past 5 or 6am, so I'm on a great schedule. Another special thanks to my friend Louli again, for the AWESOME pressure cooker, as I actually made a loubia tajine in it today, and it works SO well and is easy to use. So I thought of Louli and smiled. Thank you my dear friend!
It has been another fruitful day. Yesterday, I visited a daycare which I have been in touch with while in DC, I wasn't impressed. Ok, I will be honest, my nose told me that it was not the right place. It smelled like kids and a school. I'm horrible I know! Well, my nose is horrible actually. This morning, while I was happily driving to work (for the first time) excited to see my office on the 11th floor for the first time, I noticed a Methodist Church which had a sign saying Enrolling Now, so I immediately pulled into its parking lot. Now mind you, suddenly pulling into places is not a problem in Knoxville, because there is usually no cars behind me. To make a long story short, I loved the place and will sign my little one up there next week. She will be singing about Jesus and saying grace before lunch, but heck, I decided to make peace with my Methodist ancestors (my maternal grandfather was Methodist, and I went to a Methodist school). A Pakistani woman working there, told me, "we believe in Jesus don't we?" I said "asolutely!" Well, I just LOVED how clean the place was and how it smelled. My nose and the smile of the people working there were decisive factors. So, Miss Meems will be in schoold 5 days per week, from 9am until 2pm. Now I am looking for a student to be the girls' nanny 3 days/week.
After my early morning discovery, I happily headed to campus, where I was happily helped by the dept. secretary who is so sweet. I'm moving into my office this w-e so she lent me her key. After checking out my office way high up on the 11th floor and WITH A WINDOW (I requested the window because I'm clostrophobic) I headed to parking services, where I met a very unhappy man, who helped me, after awhile but he was the first person in TN I met who did not smile. I should have asked him: "Are you from DC?" Just kidding!
Another moment I had today, was going to the grocery store after I was done at school, where there were probably 5 customers.
Now, I had to rush to Target yesterday to invest in an iron and an ironing board. It was never my intention to spend hours ironing my clothes, however, when ironing a shirt costs 5.75 then you're better off spending long nights doing so on YOUR own! I painfully took 2 suits to the dryclean, everything else, I have piled for my own self to iron. I was excited about NOT wasting time on ironing, but then I figured, I'd rather iron than spend THAT kind of $$ on clothes that will be soaking and very messy within an hour after putting them on.
I decided I was well set since I have maids coming every week and that is already all set. Yey! They are GOOD too! I so look forward to having my apartment sparkling every Monday or Tuesday.
Piano and swimming lessons have been put on the schedule for the month of Sept. for the girls. I'm still researching soccer and figuring out how to fit in the karate. I'm especially excited about getting a nanny to take care of these chores and help Lili with her homework at least 3 days/week.
Ok so far life has been very nice and relaxing. I don't want to give myself the evil eye. I also enjoy spending A LOT of time alone in my apt. I almost want to say I miss traffic jams, but I'd be lying. I have seen the Knoxville police twice since I've been here. Thank God, because today I went half way through a red light. Oooops! I was distracted by 2 signs saying "Farmer's Market", one pointed to the right the other pointed to the left. I was quite confused and intrigued.
I can't believe that only 20% of Knoxvill'ans' go to Church. By the way, I was told at one school that I needed a 'letter from my pastor' indicating that my daughter doesn't eat pork... and No, this is NOT a joke. I said, "I have no pastor and I have to religious affiliation" I really wanted to scream, "I HATE organized religion dammit!" but I didn't. I simply said, I will write you a letter explaining that my daughter doesn't eat pork.
I look forward to more adventures. I have been asked 3 times "what is THAT?" on my feet... It almost makes me wanna forget Henna, although I doubt I ever will::))

Another day in Tennessee

Apparently Harry Potter is out in Syrian dialect. Ok... For anyone who doesn't know this, the actual Harry Potter books have been translated into Arabic. Leaving around 80-90 year old women, has made me wonder if I will be that slow at their age. That is, if I make it. At the end of my day, I find myself listening to Pitbull's "give me everything". It reminds me of my days in Tunisia, when was that? Not that long ago!!!! I'm starting to get psyched about living in the Bible belt because everyday is a learning experience. And, as everyone who knows me knows, I'm anti-routine, anti-everyday, anti-stagnation, anti-borrrrrrrdom... So I guess it's not that bad after all. The first 24 hours, I dreamt of 'stability'... Occasionally I have 'une crise de stabilite'... Soon enough, it's over and I'm back to my nomadic nature.
Tomorrow's adventures will start with a visit from the handyman since I have leaks in the bathroom and the kitchen, then, I continue unpacking boxes while awaiting for my furniture to arrive. I so look forward to sleeping in a bed although my best friend's airmattress has been bliss. I'm doing laundry, and procrastinating on my work, which I should be doing... Instead of listening to Pitbull... How is it that someone like me listen to Pitbull just proves my strangeness.
I didn't apply to that fellowship. My mother sent me an email giving me orders to do so asap so I didn't do it, just because I wanted to be contrary to my mother and because I'm 34 and my mother still tells me what to do. She also finds excuses for the asses in my life all the time. But again, she's my mom and although I beat her on the 'weirdometer' she's pretty out there herself. Enough on my mom, she's great!
Anyhow know how the hell do I register to elect in October? If I need to drive back to DC to register at the embassy, I will do so immediately. I have a few business items that have not been taken care of out there, so I have no problem driving 8 hours North, after driving 8 hours South.
Ok, off to reading, as I prepare to lecture about 'malaise'... Je souffre d'un malaise moi-meme ::)) Not really!
Apologies for all my dear friends who call me and I can't pick up. I have no reception in my apt. I live in a jungle. I have to walk out on the street to get reception on my cell. Skype has become a better action, until I take over mommy duty. The idea of having a mattress, a bedside table is so blissful right now!